Stranger Eats

Omegle has not been the gold mine it was over the summer. Apparently once school starts, people have better things to do. Weird. Anyway, we’ve decided to branch out a bit in our search for recipes. This results in fewer hilarious conversations, but the ratio of usable recipes to time wasted is much higher.

Today we made cheese. Now, there are two ways to do this. One involves sitting in one place for too long and never showering, and the other involves milk. Only one of these produces something you’d want to actually eat.

The Kitchn is one of our new favorite sites, and we tried out their recipe for queso fresco. Turns out it’s every bit as easy as they say, and the cheese tastes exactly like what you can buy in any number of Mission markets.

Schuyler just HAD to have cereal this morning, so he had to go get another quart of milk.

When it looks like something you'd never, ever eat, you're almost done

So gross.

That is cheese.

Apparently this was the best angle Schuyler could get for this shot.

If you've ever wondered how much food is in two quarts of milk, it's this much food.

It’s a well-kept secret that quiche is totally awesome. Seriously, ask just about anyone and they’ll tell you that quiche is “Alright, I guess” or “Not really worth the calories” or “a little gay.” Don’t listen to these people. Quiche is pie you can have for breakfast, and I challenge you to come up with a better idea. For anything. This conversation was brief and to the point, so I’ll just post the recipe.

Ingredients:
1 9″ baked pie shell
1 cup grated Swiss cheese
3 large eggs
1 cup heavy whipping cream
1 pkg. original Hidden Valley Ranch Mix
2 tbs or so of bacon bits (or other cooked meat)

Directions:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Sprinkle cheese in pie shell. Whisk eggs til frothy. Add other ingredients and mix. Pour over cheese. Bake 15 minutes. Reduce heat to 250 degrees and bake 15-20 minutes until center is set.

We’ve done this a few times and haven’t had to modify the recipe much, but our oven sucks a lot so we do bake it a few extra minutes. As you can see, the first one didn’t really bake long enough. Also, it’s important to let it sit and cool off before serving, which would have been nice to know beforehand. On our most recent attempt I left out some cream (oh, and we use half and half instead of heavy cream) because seriously, it’s hard to justify a whole cup of cream for something you’re going to eat half of. We’ve also experimented with different meat/cheese combinations. Chicken is great but you don’t have to cook ham. Ham wins. Oh, and we used a little black pepper and no ranch mix. The ranch mix just seemed gratuitous, really.

Note: When making quiche it’s important to grunt and swear a lot, and punch things, to counteract the fact that quiche is a little gay (those people are right).

Honestly, I’m surprised this conversation went on as long as it did. This doesn’t contain a recipe, but we started by talking like pirates, so I post this in honor of International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger…

Either this is a really lazy way of making twice baked potatoes, or this person walked through the room a couple of times while watching someone else make twice baked potatoes and figured they had it down. Perhaps it is a food all its own though. I guess we won’t know until we try it.

Also, I’m kind of fed up with potatoes. Unless I get a really funny or interesting recipe for them, I don’t really want to eat any more of them.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger…

holy crap you guys it was so good

Ok, so the homemade pizza recipe is awesome. In fact, we’ve made it three times already and our grocery list always includes “whatever we need to make more pizza.” We have, however, had to tweak the dough recipe a bit. Here’s the original. Ours follows:

schuyler mixin' it up

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon oregano, plus any other herbs we have at the time (basil, rosemary etc)

1 teaspoon black pepper

2 eggs, beaten (into submission)

1 cup milk

We didn’t change anything else, so I won’t type out the rest here. Just visit that link for complete instructions. We did find that the crust tends to form huge gas bubbles, we’re still working on that problem.

i wasn't kidding about the bubbles

We also grease the baking sheet with olive oil, because it’s a crappy baking sheet that everything in the world sticks to and we’d never get our pizza off of it otherwise. Although come to think of it, maybe the olive oil is causing it to stick… I’ll have to investigate further, next time we make pizza (probably tonight, it is awesome.)

And now, the toppings. The beauty of homemade pizza is, of course, choosing your own toppings. We’re still looking for our favorites, but the consensus is that sausage is excellent but chicken is also excellent and a lot cheaper.

pesto, for those times when you don't want anyone to stand close to you for at least three days

ordering pizza is expensive because someone else has to do all this slicing

We’re still adjusting the dough recipe and looking for the perfect toppings, but once we have it down we’ll share our Masterpiece Pizza with the world.

I have a sneaking suspicion that this recipe was copy-pasted from somewhere, but that’s ok with me as long as I don’t have to make pesto from parsley and cheddar cheese. It’s probably more expensive to buy the ingredients than to just buy prepared pesto, so we may not try this one out for a while.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger…

This long conversation gave incredible insight into this Norway’s culture. It makes me simultaneously want to go to and avoid Norway. The recipe didn’t come out until near the end, so feel free to skip down about two-thirds of the way.

Another thing, I thought potatoes were the vegetable that could be prepared in an infinite number of ways. Why do we only get recipes for “roasted or boiled with brown sauce?” Personally, I like my potatoes like I like my Omegos: Baked.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger…

Ok, so we tried the meatball recipe, and it was good. Actually it was really good, worth doing again. We did, however, make a few blunders, as you will see.

Here’s our interpretation of the recipe:

• 1 Lb ground turkey
• 1 Lb ground pork
• 1 onion, chopped
• two eggs
• salt and pepper

Seems pretty simple, just mix everything together, right? Well, not really. After cooking the first few, we realized that two eggs was probably enough for one pound of meat. We used two pounds, and our balls were just falling apart all over the place. We also didn’t chop the onion nearly finely enough, which probably didn’t help them stick together. Next time we try this we’ll also add some breadcrumbs for extra cohesiveness. Now, on with the recipe.

We heated some olive oil (didn’t have canola handy) and garlic in a skillet. Once the garlic started to brown we put our balls in the skillet. The first one became a casualty, it was too big to stick together and cook all the way through. So I smashed it. As we went on Schuyler kept rolling the balls smaller and smaller, hoping that they would actually cook all the way through. We finally got it right towards the end.

Once all the meatballs were cooked we made “brown sauce”. Brown sauce, it turns out, is just gravy without flour. It’s also way tastier than it looks. All I did was add milk to the meatball skillet, throw in a bunch of salt and pepper, and cook it until it thickened. This was supposed to go on mashed potatoes (I think? Our Omego was not entirely clear on this), but we all know mashed potatoes are for jerks. Also, people with mixers. I made roasted potatoes instead, here’s how:

• Whole bunch of red potatoes, diced into 1/2″ cubes
• olive oil
• seasonings (I used cajun seasoning and Cavender’s Greek Seasoning)

Put the diced potatoes in a large mixing bowl. Add enough olive oil to coat them evenly. Add enough seasoning that it’s plainly visible on every piece of potato. Spread the seasoned potatoes out onto a baking sheet and bake at, I dunno, like 350 degrees or something, until toasty brown. The best, and simplest, way to cook potatoes!

And the completed dish:

Mmm, delicious. But something is missing… Oh yeah, vegetable. After all this, cooking broccoli seemed like more trouble than it was worth. So:

I’m not sure what to say about this one, other than that I feel bad for people who have to interact with this person in real life.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger…

This week we tested the curry recipe. As you may remember, the recipe didn’t state any sort of quantity for any of its ingredients. To some this may render a recipe unworkable, but we here at Stranger Eats have two advantages: We don’t know any better, and our budget dictates that we have to eat it no matter what.

In keeping with the spirit of the recipe as it was given us, I didn’t measure anything. As far as quantities go, all I know is we used one onion, one tomato, four chicken breasts, and one 12 ounce can of tomato paste. The spices were just sort of thrown in willy-nilly. It turned out all right, but this one will need revisiting.