Stranger Eats

Queso Fresco

colin — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 21:05:22 +0000

Omegle has not been the gold mine it was over the summer. Apparently once school starts, people have better things to do. Weird. Anyway, we’ve decided to branch out a bit in our search for recipes. This results in fewer hilarious conversations, but the ratio of usable recipes to time wasted is much higher.

Today we made cheese. Now, there are two ways to do this. One involves sitting in one place for too long and never showering, and the other involves milk. Only one of these produces something you’d want to actually eat.

The Kitchn is one of our new favorite sites, and we tried out their recipe for queso fresco. Turns out it’s every bit as easy as they say, and the cheese tastes exactly like what you can buy in any number of Mission markets.

Schuyler just HAD to have cereal this morning, so he had to go get another quart of milk.

When it looks like something you'd never, ever eat, you're almost done

So gross.

That is cheese.

Apparently this was the best angle Schuyler could get for this shot.

If you've ever wondered how much food is in two quarts of milk, it's this much food.

Quiche!

colin — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 21:22:41 +0000

It’s a well-kept secret that quiche is totally awesome. Seriously, ask just about anyone and they’ll tell you that quiche is “Alright, I guess” or “Not really worth the calories” or “a little gay.” Don’t listen to these people. Quiche is pie you can have for breakfast, and I challenge you to come up with a better idea. For anything. This conversation was brief and to the point, so I’ll just post the recipe.

Ingredients:
1 9″ baked pie shell
1 cup grated Swiss cheese
3 large eggs
1 cup heavy whipping cream
1 pkg. original Hidden Valley Ranch Mix
2 tbs or so of bacon bits (or other cooked meat)

Directions:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Sprinkle cheese in pie shell. Whisk eggs til frothy. Add other ingredients and mix. Pour over cheese. Bake 15 minutes. Reduce heat to 250 degrees and bake 15-20 minutes until center is set.

We’ve done this a few times and haven’t had to modify the recipe much, but our oven sucks a lot so we do bake it a few extra minutes. As you can see, the first one didn’t really bake long enough. Also, it’s important to let it sit and cool off before serving, which would have been nice to know beforehand. On our most recent attempt I left out some cream (oh, and we use half and half instead of heavy cream) because seriously, it’s hard to justify a whole cup of cream for something you’re going to eat half of. We’ve also experimented with different meat/cheese combinations. Chicken is great but you don’t have to cook ham. Ham wins. Oh, and we used a little black pepper and no ranch mix. The ranch mix just seemed gratuitous, really.

Note: When making quiche it’s important to grunt and swear a lot, and punch things, to counteract the fact that quiche is a little gay (those people are right).

Pirate Soup

schuyler — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 22:33:14 +0000

Honestly, I’m surprised this conversation went on as long as it did. This doesn’t contain a recipe, but we started by talking like pirates, so I post this in honor of International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

You: Hello

Stranger: hello matey

You: Pirate talk does not intimidate me

Stranger: i did not intend it to

You: Shiver me timbers, a friendly pirate

Stranger: im not intimidate..

Stranger: d

You: Hohoho, I wasn’t meaning ter frighten yeh either

You: I jus’ though’ I’d talk in your tongue is all

Stranger: haha

Stranger: i dont like it

Stranger: speak normally please

You: Aye-aye

You: Sorry

You: Ok

You: Once I get into foreign language mode, I get stuck on it

Stranger: ahha

Stranger: i wouldnt consider pirate a language

Stranger: but thats cool i guess

You: I took it in college

Stranger: very interesting

You: It was a good class

You: Interesting professor

Stranger: ahaha

Stranger: how many legs did he have?

You: Wooden or meat?

Stranger: meat

You: One

You: And a half

Stranger: ahhaha

Stranger: cool

You: Yeah

You: It’s always best to learn from a native speaker when you can

You: Speaking of learning

You: Do you know how to cook?

Stranger: nope

Stranger: im a 15 yr old guy

Stranger: of course not

You: Like, you can’t cook anything at all?

Stranger: all i cook is premade cinnamin buns

Stranger: thats all i cook

Stranger: besides toast and stuff

You: Define “stuff”

Stranger: hmm

Stranger: soup

You: How do you make soup?

Stranger: pour a cup of cambells into a pot

Stranger: add water in the can

Stranger: pour it in

Stranger: warm it until its hot

Stranger: enjoy

You: Ok, you lost me

You: You do what?

Stranger: why are you asking me this

Stranger: obvz you know how

You: What do you mean, obvz?

Stranger: obviously

You: Oh

You: I don’t know how to make soup

Stranger: do you live in a bubble?

You: No, but that would rock

You: Or… roll!

Stranger: lawlzsquid

You: Ok, so soup

You: It’s in a can?

You: Is that like a gourd?

Stranger: no…

Stranger: far from it

You: Oh

You: More like a mellon?

Stranger: noo!

You: I thought soup was a liquid?

Stranger: it is..

You: What other vegetables hold liquid in them?

Stranger: sorry im not fun

Stranger: coconut

You: Oh, of course

You: Ok, so can is like a coconut?

You: Where do they grow?

Stranger: no a can is nothing like a coconut

Stranger: coconuts grow in tropical places

You: I know, they are easy to find

You: I have never seen cans growing

You: Well, I might have, but didn’t know what they were

You: Is can a local word?

Stranger: they are manufactored

Stranger: not grown

You: What do you mean?

Stranger: people make them

Stranger: from metals

You: In my country, it is a great dishonor to do anything with your metals

You: If you are the winner of a contest, you should always treasure your metal

Stranger: bleh

Stranger: you dont interest me

You: Hang on, I need to get my lasanga out of the oven

You: brb

Stranger: okay

You: Nevermind, it isn’t ready yet

You: Ok, so where to find cans of soup?

Stranger: oh man

Stranger: in a food store

You: Like the market?

You: How many pounds of cans do I need to buy for a bowl of soup?

Stranger: i have a headache

Stranger: i hope you can find someone more lively

You: What are cans?

You: I want to make your foods

You: Are you in the US?

Stranger: yes

You: I want to taste American foods

You: Do you know any other words for cans?

You: I may have learned a dfferent English word for them

Stranger: nope

You: What shape are they?

Stranger: cylandrical

You: Like a jar?

Stranger: sure

Stranger: but metal

You: How do you get food from metal?

Stranger: the can contains food

Stranger: it is holowed

You: What is the skin texture like?

Stranger: well it doesnt have skin

Stranger: but if it did

You: Strange

Stranger: it would be smooth and cold

You: Like stone?

Stranger: sure

You: Inside the hollowed metal can, what part is edible?

You: Do they have many seeds?

Stranger: fuck you

Stranger: im going in the shower

Stranger: you bother me

You: How do you peel a can?

Stranger: goodbye

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Baked Potatoes Halves

schuyler — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 17:12:58 +0000

Either this is a really lazy way of making twice baked potatoes, or this person walked through the room a couple of times while watching someone else make twice baked potatoes and figured they had it down. Perhaps it is a food all its own though. I guess we won’t know until we try it.

Also, I’m kind of fed up with potatoes. Unless I get a really funny or interesting recipe for them, I don’t really want to eat any more of them.

Stranger: heheheey

You: Horrible person?

Stranger: no

Stranger: jeez

You: Just checking

You: The internet is full of them, you know

Stranger: yes,i’ve noticed:|

You: It is most dissatisfactory

Stranger: yea..

You: What is the last thing you ate?

Stranger: a pancake

You: Sounds really good

You: You only ate one?

Stranger: yea

Stranger: hm

Stranger: yes

You: How did you manage that?

You: Don’t they usually come in stacks?

Stranger: well i ate the whole day..:)))

Stranger: and now

Stranger: i just wanted one

You: Oh

You: What else have you eaten today?

Stranger: all kinds of things

Stranger: some fitness bars

Stranger: and

Stranger: i dont know

Stranger: stuff

Stranger: what was the last thing you ate?

You: Cereal

You: Which is boring

You: Which is why I’m trying to learn how to cook more things

Stranger: i like ceral with fruits

Stranger: you cook for yourself?

You: Not really, I’m trying to learn

Stranger: oh

You: Do you know anything that you could teach me to cook?

Stranger: well,i use the receipes on the internet

Stranger: but i dont cook much..

You: Oh

You: All the recipe sites are blocked to me by some ill-conceived parental controls on my computer that I can’t figure out how to turn off

Stranger: wait a sec

Stranger: oh

Stranger: really?:|

Stranger: why would they do that..?

You: No idea

Stranger: pff

Stranger: whats your name btw?

You: Zacchariah Zachary Top

You: Yours?

Stranger: and friends call you how?

You: ZZ Top

Stranger: really?:)))

You: Yeah, why wouldn’t I go by ZZ Top?

Stranger: like the band

You: No, the band is named after me

Stranger: oooh i see ^^

You: Anyway, my beard requires food, so do you have any suggestions for what I might prepare?

Stranger: hm i dont know..

Stranger: you really dont have any food around there?

Stranger: already prepared

You: Nope, it’s not how I roll

Stranger: oh

Stranger: but

Stranger: what time is it there that you need so impactiently to eat?

You: It’s 12:46

Stranger: am?

You: No, that’s 0:46

Stranger: yea

Stranger: and you want to prepare something now

You: Not necessarily

You: But if you teach me how to make something, I may cook it for dinner

Stranger: well you can make all kinds of things:)))

Stranger: it depends what do you like

You: I like just about anything

You: What is your favorite thing to make?

Stranger: i have no ideaa

Stranger: and i told you

Stranger: i dont usually cook

You: Right, but wht about unusually?

You: Like, when you do cook

You: What would you make?

You: Assuming you had ingredients for anything

Stranger: hm

Stranger: well

Stranger: last time i cooked

Stranger: baked potatoes

Stranger: with cheese

Stranger: they were very good

Stranger: and they’re really simple to make

Stranger: and what i usually cook is spaghetti:D

You: I’ve got a recipe for spaghetti, can you walk me through making a baked potato?

Stranger: wellll

Stranger: you obviously

Stranger: how do you say

Stranger: you take the skin away

Stranger: whatever,you get the point

Stranger: then you cut them in half

Stranger: and you

Stranger: hm

Stranger: wait

Stranger: make a hole

Stranger: inside each half

Stranger: and there

Stranger: you put the cheese

Stranger: and then you cover the halfs with the remaings of the potato

Stranger: the things that were inside

Stranger: ah i’m sure you dont understand anything:)))

You: I think I understand

You: Do you bake the potatoes before or after putting the cheese in?

Stranger: after

Stranger: then you put the in the over and you let them there untill they soften

Stranger: and you have to but butter on top of them too

You: Ah, I see

You: Thank you for the recipe

Stranger: my pleasure:)

You have disconnected.

Our Homemade Pizza

colin — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 19:20:39 +0000

holy crap you guys it was so good

Ok, so the homemade pizza recipe is awesome. In fact, we’ve made it three times already and our grocery list always includes “whatever we need to make more pizza.” We have, however, had to tweak the dough recipe a bit. Here’s the original. Ours follows:

schuyler mixin' it up

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon oregano, plus any other herbs we have at the time (basil, rosemary etc)

1 teaspoon black pepper

2 eggs, beaten (into submission)

1 cup milk

We didn’t change anything else, so I won’t type out the rest here. Just visit that link for complete instructions. We did find that the crust tends to form huge gas bubbles, we’re still working on that problem.

i wasn't kidding about the bubbles

We also grease the baking sheet with olive oil, because it’s a crappy baking sheet that everything in the world sticks to and we’d never get our pizza off of it otherwise. Although come to think of it, maybe the olive oil is causing it to stick… I’ll have to investigate further, next time we make pizza (probably tonight, it is awesome.)

And now, the toppings. The beauty of homemade pizza is, of course, choosing your own toppings. We’re still looking for our favorites, but the consensus is that sausage is excellent but chicken is also excellent and a lot cheaper.

pesto, for those times when you don't want anyone to stand close to you for at least three days

ordering pizza is expensive because someone else has to do all this slicing

We’re still adjusting the dough recipe and looking for the perfect toppings, but once we have it down we’ll share our Masterpiece Pizza with the world.

Pesto!

colin — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 18:16:59 +0000

I have a sneaking suspicion that this recipe was copy-pasted from somewhere, but that’s ok with me as long as I don’t have to make pesto from parsley and cheddar cheese. It’s probably more expensive to buy the ingredients than to just buy prepared pesto, so we may not try this one out for a while.

You: hey, what’s your favorite recipe?

Stranger: the one for human gumbo

You: human gumbo? hm.

You: i’m learning to cook and was hoping to get a recipe i could use, but i don’t know if i can get my hands on a dead person at the moment

Stranger: oh, bad luck…..maybe pesto sause?

You: does it have people in it?

Stranger: nope

Stranger: just parsley

You: ok, good.

You: just parsley? sounds like… parsley. what makes it pesto?

Stranger: well, you stick it in a food processor with a couple other things that i forget

Stranger: oh \

You: eggs?

Stranger: cheese

Stranger: there’s a little cheese

You: cheese, ok

You: cheddar? provelone?

Stranger: h/o a sec

Stranger: wow, remember how i said it was parsley?

Stranger: apparently i meant basol

Stranger: *basil

You: ok, no parsley

Stranger:
Ingredients

* 2 cups fresh basil leaves, packed
* 1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan-Reggiano or Romano cheese
* 1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil
* 1/3 cup pine nuts or walnuts
* 3 medium sized garlic cloves, minced
* Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

* Special equipment needed: A food processor
Method

1 Combine the basil in with the pine nuts, pulse a few times in a food processor. (If you are using walnuts instead of pine nuts and they are not already chopped, pulse them a few times first, before adding the basil.) Add the garlic, pulse a few times more.

2 Slowly add the olive oil in a constant stream while the food processor is on. Stop to scrape down the sides of the food processor with a rubber spatula. Add the grated cheese and pulse again until blended. Add a pinch of salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste.

Makes 1 cup.

Serve with pasta, or over baked potatoes, or spread over toasted baguette slices.

You: awesome

Stranger:

You: but i’m still curious about that human gumbo

Stranger: are you really?

You: i’ve asked a lot of people for recipes on here, and the closest i’ve come to getting a recipe for people was when someone told me how to cook placenta

You: so yeah, you’ve piqued my interest

Stranger: oh, well i was just being obnoxious with the human gumbo, i do apologize

You: well shoot

You: that’s kind of a disappointment, but you’ve already made up for it with the pesto, so it’s ok i guess

Stranger: you know, there are a bunch of websites where you can get recipies

You: i know

You: but if you ask a person you’re more likely to get a family recipe, or something unique, or just some hilarious answer

You: it’s much more fun this way, trust me

Stranger: haha, now i need to find a question

You: well, i owe you one. fire away!

Stranger: nah, it’s lost its effect, we’re not new to eachother anymore

You: well in that case, i’ll be on my way

Stranger: alrighty, good luck!

You: lots of people to ask for recipes

You: thanks! and, thanks again for the pesto

You: have a good day/night/whatever it is where you are

Stranger: thx, you too!

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Potatoes and Brown Sauce…Again

schuyler — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 07:47:40 +0000

This long conversation gave incredible insight into this Norway’s culture. It makes me simultaneously want to go to and avoid Norway. The recipe didn’t come out until near the end, so feel free to skip down about two-thirds of the way.

Another thing, I thought potatoes were the vegetable that could be prepared in an infinite number of ways. Why do we only get recipes for “roasted or boiled with brown sauce?” Personally, I like my potatoes like I like my Omegos: Baked.

You: Aloha

Stranger: aloha!

Stranger: What up?

Stranger: Omegle is required by law to inform you that you are chatting with a registered sex offender. This message will not be viewed by Stranger.

You: Hahaha

Stranger: nice huh?

You: Funny

Stranger: thanks

Stranger: im fucking hilarious

Stranger: ..sex offender

Stranger: me..

Stranger: hah..

Stranger: no..way..no way….at.all..eh..

Stranger:

You: aww

You: You’re so unlucky with the ladies you can’t even molest someone?

Stranger: Switch the sex,

You: You’re so unlucky with the dudes that you can’t even molest one?

Stranger: Sure thing

You: It’s actually hard to molest a guy, we’ll take a whole lot before it becomes molestation

Stranger: Have a hard wish to meet someone with the shallow hal symtpones

Stranger: symptones

Stranger: Nothing is hard with a gun.

You: I’m hard when i have a gun

You: You can interpret that however you want

Stranger: Im considering it right now.

Stranger: So.. whatup?

You: I never know how to respond to that

You: I’m so awkward

Stranger: or….you masterbate ALOT?

You: No, not a whole lot of masturbation, I’ve kind of grown out of that

Stranger: aha

Stranger: ahh

Stranger: I need some juice.

Stranger: im thirsty

Stranger: I will be right bakc.

Stranger: back

Stranger: ..at ya

You: Are you stoned?

Stranger: pretty much yea

Stranger: Im actually so fucking baked… That I forgot to pickup the juice.

You: Weird how it comes out in the text

Stranger: Now.. I will pickup my juice.

Stranger: juice is fucking good.

Stranger: So, you smoke too?

Stranger: or why should I bother

Stranger: everyone is like “oh you smoke too, then we have this ONE thing in common”

Stranger: im sick of it, I only smoke for medical ……insert word cause I cant recall it

Stranger: (that is a lie.. im a drug addict)

Stranger: it prevents withdrawal symptoms, that’s a medical reason enough for me

You: Do you have your juice?

Stranger: I surely got my juice.

Stranger: Im from norway by the way

Stranger: yep.. Thats me.

You: Norway’s cool

You: i’m from the US

Stranger: Nice

Stranger: Still from Norway.

You: What are the drug laws like there?

Stranger: Weeeeeell my dear US friend.

Stranger: Norway.. Thats one conservative country.

Stranger: even Kava is illegal in this country.

You: Interesting

Stranger: 20 for alcohol, 18 for tobacco.

You: I was thinking Europe was more lenient than the US in that way

You: It’s 21 for alcohol here

Stranger: ahh

Stranger: 2 fucking 1

You: Yeah

Stranger: Actually we have a split policy on alcohol

Stranger: up to 22% 18years

Stranger: and 20 for 22% – eternal.

Stranger: (60 in other words)

You: Interesting

You: So you can buy beer when you’re 18, but not liquors

Stranger: light liquors.

You: Ah

Stranger: in norway we have this rare drinking culture

Stranger: when we finish school somthing between higschool and college

Stranger: we party for 17days

Stranger: we buy some silly vans, drive around and basically drink.. for 17 days………..

You: sweet

Stranger: and every student has the same clothing

You: That sounds like fun

Stranger: www.google.com -> images -> Russetid

Stranger: Russ is it called

Stranger: its kinda sick

Stranger: in the bigger cities they use millions on their van

Stranger: or BUS as they have there

Stranger: last year one bus had they sound system that metallica is using at their conserts

Stranger: haha

You: Haha

Stranger: youtube TRYVANN (the next biggest party in the world where all the RUSS is together for a day)

Stranger: 1 may to 17 may (the birth of norway)

Stranger: be here.

Stranger: We have this “russeknuter” -> rules.

Stranger: Or … achivements.

Stranger: if you fuck 17 different people in 17 days

Stranger: you get something in your hat

Stranger: a toy car f.ex

Stranger: its 100 achivements.

Stranger: pretty awesome

Stranger: I got none…….yep.. None.

You: That’s too bad

Stranger: na, I had a great time

Stranger: if you fuck in a tree. you have a “russeknute” done

Stranger: its not only sex and drinkings

Stranger: its like go to mcdonalds “Hey I want to order a MAcgYVER”

Stranger: and such lame things to.

Stranger: Its pretty awesome

Stranger: that 17 days

Stranger: But thats 17days..

Stranger: of your lifetime in norway

Stranger: but yeah. teenager drink from their 14 here

Stranger: and drink every weekend

Stranger: I think this country will have a alcoholproblem in a few years

Stranger: and society will have a tiny breakdown.

Stranger: Cool enough, worth it totally.

You: Definitely

You: Better than here, where everyone is so repressed

Stranger: I got many friends that have studied in the US

Stranger: they say its crazy

Stranger: police is driving in streets watching for parties etc.

Stranger: haha

You: Yeah

Stranger: here the police dont bother before the neighbouers complain

Stranger: and then they are like.. “can you keep it down a bit?” like a mom comes into your room when you just got your first guitar

Stranger: and you totally sucks, but you think you rocks.

You: Haha

Stranger: Thats norway.

Stranger: the alcohol is expencive as hell though

You: That sucks

Stranger: about 10$ for a 0,5l beer at the local pub and thats cheap

You: Wow

Stranger: no, beer.

You: There are places here to get about that much for $1

Stranger: okay

Stranger: at the one dollar beer pubs, the chance for meeting a rapist is very big?

You: I don’t really worry about rapists much, but I guess guys don’t really have the same concerns as women

Stranger: ahh

Stranger: FUCKING =%)/!=%!/ RIVER LUCK

Stranger: sorry.

Stranger: not that must rapists in Norway.

Stranger: a shame.

You: A shame there are no rapists?

Stranger: I got some needs.

You: Rape is not nearly as fun as consensual sex, I’m sure

Stranger: I think there can be some funny rapists.

You: Idk, I wouldn’t want to try it

You: 99/100 victims probably wouldn’t think it was funny

Stranger: your probaly right.

Stranger: I need water.

You: Me too

Stranger: awesome

You: Hey, can you do me a huge favor?

Stranger: sure

You: I need you to teach me how to cook something

Stranger: what will something be?

You: Anything you know how to make

Stranger: genre

Stranger: I can cook everything

You: literally anything

You: Just pick your favorite, and walk me through making it

Stranger: Okay

Stranger: Is this thing

Stranger: called Grandiosa

Stranger: You turn on your oven on 225 C

Stranger: wait to the light turns off

Stranger: then you open the grandiosa (that is a pizza)

Stranger: you put in into the oven

Stranger: wait for about.. 12 minuts(thats what I prefer)

Stranger: and you take it out of the oven.

Stranger: Then you cut it into slices.

Stranger: Voilà

Stranger: good food

You: Wait, what?

Stranger: its a frozen pizza..

You: That’s not cooking, that’s heating up a pizza

Stranger: ahh

Stranger: Well, Potatos

Stranger: water

Stranger: make it.. please help with the english word.

You: Boil?

Stranger: It was boil?

Stranger: I was thinking of boil

Stranger: okay

Stranger: you wait to it boil…..s

Stranger: then you put the potatos in it

Stranger: wait about 40minuts

Stranger: while they are boiling

Stranger: you heat up some sauce (pudder and water) ………..

Stranger: I never make my own sauce

You: What is pudder?

Stranger: thats just waste of time.

Stranger: some kind of a powder

Stranger: lets only say powder then

Stranger: that will take about 10minuts.

Stranger: to the sauce its done

Stranger: in here is the magic

Stranger: in the sauce you can heat up what you want in it

Stranger: f.ex
Meatballs

Stranger: brown sauce, meatballs, potatoes.

Stranger: perfect dinner

You: sounds good

You: But i’m confused about the sauce

Stranger: well

Stranger: you can only buy powder

Stranger: then water

Stranger: powder + water = sauce

Stranger: the water needs to boil but this will take about 5minuts

Stranger: then let it boil for 5 minuts

Stranger: when it boils put the ..for example meatballs in it

You: What is the powder called?

Stranger: the powder is the sauce.

Stranger: what sauce brand do you want

Stranger: brand = powder

Stranger: brown,white, fish, tomato

Stranger: eeeeaaaaaaaae

Stranger: I need sum sum more water

You: Ok

Stranger: I got grandiosa

Stranger: and water.

Stranger: im one lucky woman

You: Can’t argue that

You: So the sauce just comes in a packet, and you mix water with it and put meatballs in it?

Stranger: ye

Stranger: p

Stranger: easy as that

You: Ok

You: Sounds good

You: Thank you for your help, I must be going now

Stranger: Have a great christmas

You: I always do

You: You too

Stranger: thanks

You have disconnected.

Meatballs.

colin — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 06:00:39 +0000

Ok, so we tried the meatball recipe, and it was good. Actually it was really good, worth doing again. We did, however, make a few blunders, as you will see.

Here’s our interpretation of the recipe:

1 Lb ground turkey
1 Lb ground pork
1 onion, chopped
two eggs
salt and pepper

Seems pretty simple, just mix everything together, right? Well, not really. After cooking the first few, we realized that two eggs was probably enough for one pound of meat. We used two pounds, and our balls were just falling apart all over the place. We also didn’t chop the onion nearly finely enough, which probably didn’t help them stick together. Next time we try this we’ll also add some breadcrumbs for extra cohesiveness. Now, on with the recipe.

We heated some olive oil (didn’t have canola handy) and garlic in a skillet. Once the garlic started to brown we put our balls in the skillet. The first one became a casualty, it was too big to stick together and cook all the way through. So I smashed it. As we went on Schuyler kept rolling the balls smaller and smaller, hoping that they would actually cook all the way through. We finally got it right towards the end.

Once all the meatballs were cooked we made “brown sauce”. Brown sauce, it turns out, is just gravy without flour. It’s also way tastier than it looks. All I did was add milk to the meatball skillet, throw in a bunch of salt and pepper, and cook it until it thickened. This was supposed to go on mashed potatoes (I think? Our Omego was not entirely clear on this), but we all know mashed potatoes are for jerks. Also, people with mixers. I made roasted potatoes instead, here’s how:

Whole bunch of red potatoes, diced into 1/2″ cubes
olive oil
seasonings (I used cajun seasoning and Cavender’s Greek Seasoning)

Put the diced potatoes in a large mixing bowl. Add enough olive oil to coat them evenly. Add enough seasoning that it’s plainly visible on every piece of potato. Spread the seasoned potatoes out onto a baking sheet and bake at, I dunno, like 350 degrees or something, until toasty brown. The best, and simplest, way to cook potatoes!

And the completed dish:

Mmm, delicious. But something is missing… Oh yeah, vegetable. After all this, cooking broccoli seemed like more trouble than it was worth. So:

The Hardest Waffles to Explain

schuyler — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 22:31:30 +0000

I’m not sure what to say about this one, other than that I feel bad for people who have to interact with this person in real life.

You: Hello

You: The floor is yours gentle stranger

Stranger: hey

You: A fine choice of greeting!

You: How are you enjoying Omegle this evening?

Stranger: thx, but thn i choose 2 give the floor 2 u ^-^

Stranger: its actually soon 6am ere

You: You’re a liar

Stranger: n im only ere cz i don got anythin betta 2 do this early

You: You could eat breakfast

Stranger: not yet

Stranger: my parents r sleepin, n if i go downstairs this early they’d kne i’ve bn up all night

Stranger: so im not gonna eat breakfast yet

You: You could start planning your breakfast

Stranger: my breakfast is gonna b my dinner as usual…

Stranger: as im probly gonna sleep all day as always

You: What will you have?

Stranger: until my parents wake me up

Stranger: idk

Stranger: whteva my parents make

You: Ah

You: You never cook for yourself?

Stranger: i do

Stranger: but we always eat dinner 2getha

You: I see

You: What is something you can cook?

Stranger: ehhh…pancakes?

Stranger: no, nvm the pancakes >.<

Stranger: i failed wit pancakes 1ce

Stranger: but i can make waffles

Stranger: n…

Stranger: damn! guys r betta in cookin thn girls! so thts gonna b my xcuse

You: How do you make waffles?

Stranger: i put eggs n milk n flour 2getha…n sugar…usually i use some weird thingies in tho

You: What do you mean?

Stranger: nvm

Stranger: y u wanna kno if i can cook anyway?

You: I’m trying to learn how to cook, and I’m trying to get you to teach me in an inobvious way

Stranger: u shud ask some1 who actually can make food thn

You: Well, you sound like you know how to make waffles

You: I would love for you to teach me how to make them

Stranger: u cant make em?

You: No

You: All I can make is spaghetti

Stranger: its like makin pancakes

Stranger: xcept tht u use more sugar in waffles

Stranger: u take 2 eggs, lotsa sugar, a lil bit o salt, flour n milk

Stranger: n mix it until it seems ok

Stranger: tho, if u wanna make pancakes, u don use tht much sugar

Stranger: n u can put cheeze n stuff in pancakes

Stranger: n this gotta b 1 o the weirdest convoes ive eva had…

You: Can you give me a little more detail? I don’t know how to make pancakes either

Stranger: like u make waffles

You: Oh, I see

You: Because I totally know how to make waffles

You: Isn’t it just like making the pancakes I don’t know how to make, only with more sugar?

Stranger: lmao!

Stranger: xDDD

You: So, how do you make pancakes/waffles?

Stranger: gimme 2 secs

You: Are you going to link me to a website? That would be totally weak

Stranger: well, im no good at xplainin stuff!

You: Ok, I guess start by telling me the first thing you would do, if you were preparing to make pancakes

Stranger: i kno how 2 make em…but tht doesn mean i make em

You: That’s ok, I only want to know what you know

You: So imagine your parents made you make breakfast in the morning

Stranger: they neva do

You: That’s why we’re pretending

Stranger: oh

You: What would be the first thing you would do to start making pancakes?

Stranger: …i’d jzt grab some cereal instead, much easier

Stranger: thts rly easy 2 make

You: But then what would your parents do?

Stranger: they’d give me cereal, as thts the only thing i eat 4 breakfast

You: What the hell, is it really that hard to just pretend that you’re making breakfast and tell me what you’re doing?

You: Like, seriously

You: Just tell me how to make waffles or pancakes

Stranger: i can link ya the website instead!

You: No

You: I will not settle for that

Stranger: much easier

Stranger: n its full o details

You: You should be able to explain a recipe

You: The internet age is rotting the collective human brain!

Stranger: well, so is recipes!

You: Recipes are not rotting the collective human brain

Stranger: it is

Stranger: go out n buy a pizza instead

Stranger: n whn u do tht, ask the ppl how they made it

You: I’ve done that already

You: You know what I don’t know how to make though?

You: Out of all the foods, I don’t know how to make any breakfast foods

Stranger: everythin xcept o spagetti

Stranger: thts easy!

Stranger: u can use an egg 4 tht

You: Spaghetti is not a breakfast food, even if served with an egg

Stranger: u take an egg, put it in the pan, cut it so the whole egg gets yellow, thn u can put meat n cheeze n vegetables in it! all u want

You: Ok, but then how does that turn into pancakes?

Stranger: im no good at makin pancakes!

Stranger: i neva make em anymore

Stranger: bcz i 1ce made em

Stranger: n i spilled out oil everywhere >.<

You: I thought you were telling me how to make pancakes

Stranger: eggs r betta thn pancakes ><”

You: Not in my opinion

You: What about waffles?

You: Don’t you know how to make waffles?

Stranger: ok

Stranger: u take this thingy

Stranger: idk wht its called in english

Stranger: the thingy u use 2 put stuffs in

Stranger: 2getha

Stranger: whn u mix stuff

Stranger: thn u take eggs in it

Stranger: n sugar n milk n salt in it

Stranger: n flour

Stranger: n u mix it 2getha

Stranger: how hard can it b?=

Stranger: *?

Stranger: ofc u need this iron thingy where u put the mix in

Stranger: so it can turn in2 waffles

You: Ah, I see

You: The same kind of iron like for shirts?

Stranger: -.-

Stranger: lets take pancakes instead

Stranger: thn u need a pan

Stranger: u kno wht tht is, right?

Stranger: n u mix milk n eggs n flour!

Stranger: n put it in the pan ^^

Stranger: thn it turns in2 waffles!

You: Wait, how does it make waffles?

Stranger: omg!!!

Stranger: how old r u?!?! 6=

Stranger: *?

You: Um, you told me we were going to make pancakes, next thing I know you’re telling me shit’s turning into waffles, and I’m really confused and I don’t know what’s going on and no I’m not 6 I’m 20 so just quit making fun of me

Stranger: i think its u makin fun o me

Stranger: fine

Stranger: drop the waffles

Stranger: i’ll teach ya how 2 make pancakes

You: OK

You: Let’s make some pancakes

Stranger: u mix eggs n milk n flour 2getha

Stranger: n u need a pan

Stranger: n whn ur puttin the pancakes in the pan, u need butter

Stranger: so the pancakes wont get burned

You: Good so far

Stranger: thts all…

Stranger: but don take 2 much milk or flour, cz thn the mix will get fckd up

You: Like, when you say too much, how will I know it’s too much?

Stranger: the mix is gonna b liquid, but not 2 liquid

Stranger: u get it?

You: Like, ooblec?

Stranger: yeh

You: I think I know what it should look like

You: What color will it be?

Stranger: light brown i think

You: Ok

Stranger: jzt moved out from ur parents’ house, hm?

You: I moved out a while ago, but I’m starting to get hungry

Stranger: u live alone?

You: Yes

Stranger: u’ve neva made food in ur whole life?

You: I make spaghetti, remember?

Stranger: haha

Stranger: yeh

Stranger: im sry tht i made fun o u

You: It’s ok, I forgive you

You: Thanks for teaching me how to make pancakes

Stranger: np

Stranger: jzt remember 2 not spill oil everywhere…

You: Right

You: Also, how do you cook them?

You: I’m not clear on that part

Stranger: u take it in the pan

Stranger: n turn it round whn its gettin brown on the 1st side

Stranger: thn u take it out whn its brown on both sides

You: Sonds easy enough

You: Sounds*

You: Well, guess I know what’s for breakfast tomorrow

You: I’m gonna get to bed now

Stranger: sleep well

You: I will

You: have a good breakfast

You have disconnected.

Curry, tested

colin — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 06:00:17 +0000

This week we tested the curry recipe. As you may remember, the recipe didn’t state any sort of quantity for any of its ingredients. To some this may render a recipe unworkable, but we here at Stranger Eats have two advantages: We don’t know any better, and our budget dictates that we have to eat it no matter what.

In keeping with the spirit of the recipe as it was given us, I didn’t measure anything. As far as quantities go, all I know is we used one onion, one tomato, four chicken breasts, and one 12 ounce can of tomato paste. The spices were just sort of thrown in willy-nilly. It turned out all right, but this one will need revisiting.